How Long Until Jimmy Buckets Strangles Fultz Embiid or Simmons

Jimmy Butler, noted hater of humans who do not work hard enough for him, has been on the Sixers for a week now. Leaving the Timberwolves, where he had issues with everyone on the payroll, and joining Philly is probably the best move for Butler and all parties involved. Well, unless you’re a Sixer who refuses to add a jump shot to their game or a center that gets gassed late in the fourth or a young sophomore who has the yips. Good thing Philly doesn’t have any of those……

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For those of you who don’t know, Jimmy had constant quarrels with Karl Anthony Towns and Andrew Wiggins over work ethic and lack of drive. To catch you up to speed, Markelle Fultz, former first overall pick, has had what can only be called a mental lapse in his game. Coming out of Washington, Fultz had a perfectly fine jump shot but complained of shoulder issues once entering the league. Around the same time of these shoulder issues, he began changing his jump shot to alleviate the stress on his shoulders. While on the surface that seems completely normal, Sixers executives and doctors came out and said nothing is structurally wrong with Fultz’ shoulders and it’s all in his head.

A sign of mental weakness? On Jimmothy Buckets team?! Yikes.

Ben Simmons is maybe the best young play maker the league has ever seen. At 6’10, Simmons has the handles and vision of the best guards in the league, while driving to the rim as well as any forward. The player I’ve described, in theory, is unstoppable. As long as he can shoot enough that people have to respect it, this guys should be able to score at will on anyone. Problem is he refuses to shoot. He has yet to even attempt a legit three pointer this year, and is shooting 15% on shots between 10 and 16 feet away from the hoop. Now when you use insane skill and power to blow by people a jump shot is essential, otherwise people will back off you and wait for you at the rim, and when the other best player on the team is a dominating center, a cluttered paint is very much not good. Will Jimmy Butler let someones refusal to learn effect his teammates? He’s a reasonable guy. No just kidding, the first time Simmons passes on an open three Amir Johnson is going to have to restrain Jimmy as he attempts to throw both of his shoes across the court at Simmons.

Next we have Joel Embiid, who has no problems in his game at all. He shoots well enough that his shot has to be challenged, and he can take any big off the dribble. He’s just as effective on the low block as his footwork is second to none, despite those feet being made of rock candy. So what will Jimmy’s issue with the big man be? He has the lung capacity of a two pack a day smoker. Now to be fair, Embiid’s minutes per game are up to 35, which is around the same as Butler himself. However, Embiid cannot play back to backs due to a bad batch of bones. Jimmy Butler would die on an NBA court and demands his teammates do the same, it’s what led to the falling out between him and Derrick Rose in Chicago. Another wrinkle in the inevitable Butler Embiid confrontation is going to be social media. Embiid fancies himself a comedian on the world wide web, and to his credit he is very funny, but how does Jimmy Butler handle teammates on social media?

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Oh yeah, he hits on their wives. The Jimmy Buckets experience has the potential to be even better than it was in Minnesota. Embiid and Butler may actually come to blows, unlike Towns and Butler.Speaking of Towns, hows he doing post Butler?


Hmm. Maybe our friend Thibs should’ve split them up sooner.


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